2024, june 5

in movies and tv shows, we often see this moment when a smart dream girl comes into a guy’s life, and he’s completely baffled by it. usually, he’ll say something like: “this is the first time i’m dating a smart girl, i’m not used to this!”

let me rant about three things here: first, i find the idea of guys having a preference for dumb girls to be ridiculous. second, it’s outrageous to assume you can find stupid girls everywhere, as if they’re readily available. third, it’s offensive to dismiss low intelligence, as if a kind-hearted person with less brains isn’t incredibly valuable. of course, in the movies, stupidity usually implies being mean, too. but it’s absurd to equate stupidity with being mean and, above all, with availability.

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2024, april 4

the reality show "love is blind" unintentionally caricatures toxic narratives of romantic love, pointing to broader societal norms. besides the obvious gender stereotypes, what strikes me most is how the show glorifies an almost addictive dependence on fake predictability. it is bizarre how the show celebrates fast-forwarding the beginning of a romantic connection. thereby the show embodies this kind of life-averse urgency that skips the most magic parts of life in order to jump to some kind of certainty that’s unattainable after all. why would i choose to skip that electrifying time of a new love?! that time when you’re bubbling over with happiness, when every day feels as if you had sunbeams for breakfast. this kind of predictability addiction behaves hostile towards experience. it favours fake certainty over a cotton candy sky, making us miss the moment when it rains macaron-coloured cupcakes.

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2023, september 9

note on the barbie movie

when ken steps into the human world, someone casually asks him the time addressing him as “sir” (according to my memory). it blows his mind. that simple act feels monumentally respectful to him. this took me back to a moment at prinzenbad when an elderly white lady approached me, wondering if i could help straighten out the back of her swimsuit. a part of it had gotten all crumpled up. that caught me off guard. i suddenly realized that i’m not used to white grandmas in germany asking me for such a favor. usually, i sense a certain distance, some kind of hesitation, or fear, towards people who look ‘foreign’ to them. sometimes it can manifest as outright hostility — like that time a grandma at oranienplatz verbally attacked me, accusing me of shoplifting “like a typical foreigner” — but more often it seems like they simply wouldn‘t consider someone who doesn’t look ‘white german’ as a person who could help with mundane things like de-crumpling a swimsuit strap. not necessarily out of malice, but maybe rather because, in their eyes, we seem to inhabit a completely different universe, too alien to request earthly favors from.

so when she asked me without a second thought, i was stunned. and then, i was stunned by my own surprise, showing me how i’m not used to this kind of interaction. that’s how the ken scene resonates with me; it highlights how ‘being seen’ often manifests in the most ordinary moments.

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